smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
