At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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