My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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