Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love you.
Bad choice
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
