Nicole vs. Life
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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