I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
