sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
