Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
