So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
