i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
