My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
