I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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