Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
