So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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