sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
