Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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