she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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