remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
