I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
