My cat gives me a boner
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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