Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
