just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
