So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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