Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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