This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
