I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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