WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
