I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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