my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
