If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
