I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
