I think my fart just growled at me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
