ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
