Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
