Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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