i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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