Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
