where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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