why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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