I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
