Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
