my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
