hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
