P.S. I can't hear my feet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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