I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize