I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would fuck him just for his dog
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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