how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
