I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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