highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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