Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
