I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
