Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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