She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize