I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
