what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
