I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
