dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
