How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
