im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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