You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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