Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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