im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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